OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has introduced that the primary use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will probably be to buy a Saudi Arabian soccer staff and festoon it with Canadian branding.
“Whereas a lot of the fund will probably be used to bribe corrupt American officers, it’s additionally vital to enhance Canada’s repute overseas,” Prime Minister Carney stated. “Lots of people are nonetheless mad at us for Bryan Adams.”
Al-Nassr Football Membership will probably be renamed the Al-Carney Soccer Workforce, and whereas it is going to proceed to play its dwelling video games in Riyadh, its jersey sponsor is being changed by an “Discover Unique Hamilton” advert marketing campaign.
“I’ve been getting paid in blood cash, so I’d as properly take some Liberal cash, too,” Al-Carney star Cristiano Ronaldo stated. “I’ve already been requested to go to a spot referred to as ‘Saskatoon’ and fake to love it.”
The fund’s managers are additionally planning to spend money on overseas automotive corporations, actual property, and the newly-announced LUV Golf Tour, the place the Center East’s best golfers will probably be paid tens of millions to return shoot programs throughout Canada.
“It was both this or expanded public dental care,” a fund consultant stated. “And I believe when Canadians see Othman Almulla sink a birdie on the 4th gap at Banff Springs, they’ll perceive that we made the proper selection.”
At press time, Carney additionally introduced plans to execute Ian Hanomansing, then distract from the brutal crime by funding a standup comedy festival.
