Maybe these late-night losers will stop thinking the world is ending

So, a Republican has gained an election, and what meaning. Jimmy Carter has to remain alive for 4 extra years. It is also time for liberals to inform themselves that they are nonetheless proper about every little thing and their hysteria and delusions of persecution are completely regular. 

But, proper now, they’re melting like that stick of butter Pleasure Behar retains between her thighs to stop chafing. Living proof, final evening, all the opposite late-night hosts threw a hissy match. It is too bad Tim Walz remains to be grieving or he may ship all of them a sack of commercial energy tampons. Poor Jimmy. True, it was a horrible evening for ladies, youngsters and for the tons of of hundreds of hard-working immigrants who lower his garden. 

BIDEN CONGRATULATES TRUMP, PLEDGES ‘PEACEFUL AND ORDERLY’ TRANSFER OF POWER

JIMMY KIMMEL: It was a horrible evening for ladies, for youngsters, for the tons of of hundreds of hardworking immigrants who make this nation go. For healthcare, for our local weather, for science, for journalism, for justice, without cost speech. It was a horrible evening for poor individuals, for the center class, for seniors who depend on Social Safety. For our allies in Ukraine, for NATO, for the reality. And democracy and decency. And it was a horrible evening for everybody who voted in opposition to him. And guess what? It was a nasty evening for everybody who voted for him, too. You simply do not understand it but. 

what? If I ever cry on TV, it will be as a result of Maroon 5 put out a brand new track. However that is it ya huge ****. Now, keep in mind when Johnny Carson cried like a child over Ronald Reagan getting elected? Yeah, neither do I. And why he did not? As a result of his spouse did not preserve his balls in a Tupperware container subsequent to a field of tofu burgers. However the killer phrase was on the finish when Kimmel said, “You simply do not understand it.” Since you see, he is smarter than you and he wants you to know that. And his ego cannot bear that there is somebody on the market extra well-known and extra influential than him. I bought information for you, Kimmel. The final time you mattered, Bruce Jenner nonetheless had a penis.

I like you, Bruce. 

Jimmy’s profession peaked with busty ladies on trampolines. Now the one boob we see is him. He as soon as co-hosted the Man present. Now he is sobbing like he simply watched Metal Magnolias three days into his menstrual cycle. This is one other morose multimillionaire.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Hey there. How are you doing? In the event you watch the present recurrently, I am guessing you are not doing nice. Yeah, me neither.

You are not doing nice? You are filthy wealthy and completely immune from the crap you push on everybody else. By the way in which, I am truly doing fine, Stephen. Aside from the 48-hour erection I’ve had since they known as Pennsylvania, I am feeling no ache, bro. 

However, Stephen, have you ever tried perhaps simply getting over your self? You’ve got been bashing Trump for eight years, and all you have performed is assist put him again in energy. After being fallacious about one thing on daily basis and evening for eight years, you may think about making an attempt one thing new, like, I do not know, comedy. However not less than Seth Meyers reveals the supply of his anguish — relevance. Trump has it. He would not.

SETH MEYERS: We stay in an infinite time warp the place Donald Trump has at all times been and can at all times be the middle of the universe. There might be no escape. All hail our highly effective and benevolent supreme chief.

Hmmm, or how about you simply do your dumb little comedy present and cease performing such as you tried to save lots of the world, however we have been too ungrateful to take heed to your brilliance. NBC’s late-night present was once wacky excessive jinks until Seth turned it into an hour along with your homosexual therapist. So these fellows are experiencing deep psychological ache. And it isn’t simply them. Journalists at the moment are providing tricks to take care of their disappointment, frustration, even concern. And I get it. That is regular after any loss. 

FOX NEWS VOTER ANALYSIS: HOW TRUMP REGAINED THE WHITE HOUSE

I am nonetheless mad about dropping World’s Sexiest Man to Johnny Depp. However why would individuals really feel concern? Perhaps as a result of they’re solely information sources are continually telling them Trump’s going to show America into Nazi Germany. However who felt precise concern throughout the Biden administration? Individuals who needed to journey the subway or have to purchase groceries or anyone who needs to bang a chick who would not have testicles. That is lots of people. However now, even Kamala admits every little thing’s going to be wonderful. A lot for Trump being Hitler. Seems she was mendacity the entire time. All of them have been. 

Nonetheless, CBS gave useful suggestions for dealing with loss. CNN recommends taking deep breaths, lengthy walks. And please, do not suppress your feelings. Normally once they cry this a lot, they’re sharing an elevator with Brian Stelter on Taco Tuesday. And so, the media is supplying you with options to the issues they triggered. 

In any case, who generated all of the anxiousness by promising the apocalypse if Trump gained? They did. It is like local weather hysteria. They bang the drum on it sufficient after which children got here down with local weather stress. 

Have a look at Kimmel and Colbert, they’re f*** wrecks as a result of they imagine the media. And but, we’re wonderful as a result of we weren’t brainwashed. We all know the media’s job is to mislead create anxiousness out of proportion to the precise menace or no menace in any respect. 

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Journalists actually solely want to offer you one tip to handle stress and that is cease taking note of journalists. Perhaps these late-night losers will cease pondering that the world is ending as a result of we all know below Trump it is actually simply starting.