When you love rats, you’re going to like this unique cruise on a rat-infested ship departing from Southampton port and journeying all the way in which to the Galapagos Islands. You learn that proper. Ever puzzled what it’s prefer to get pleasure from a cruise on a luxurious liner the place the hygiene requirements are so low that rats defecate over your meals while you eat? The Hantavirus Cruise will blow your fucking gallbladder and shred your kidneys with its delights. Ever puzzled what it’s prefer to piss out of your arse? With no gastric tract left, and your inside organs all failing directly, you simply may.
The ship’s motto, proudly displayed for this unique cruise, will likely be:
“One Cruise. Ten Thousand Fucking Rats.”
Deck & Leisure Highlights
“Rat Droppings Bingo”
Passengers obtain playing cards with rodent-pellet patterns. Actual-time rat exercise throughout the ship is projected on big screens. First individual to yell “Hanta!” after a confirmed contemporary dropping wins a free drink (served in a suspiciously damp paper cup).
Rat Urine Soaked Shuffleboard
Traditional shuffleboard, however the pucks glide by strategically positioned puddles of genuine rodent essence. Bonus factors in case your puck lands in a contemporary moist spot. Winners get their picture taken with the ship’s “Rodent Ambassador”.
Midnight Rat Scavenger Hunt
Groups hunt for the largest, boldest rats within the ship’s kitchens. Bonus gadgets embrace a contemporary urine path, completely shaped droppings, and a rat that appears prefer it’s judging you. Grand prize: an upgraded cabin (with seen gnaw marks).
“Aerosol Appreciation Hour”
Held within the poorly ventilated decrease decks the place the deprived Filipino employees dwell. Employees enthusiastically sweep previous nesting materials whereas company breathe deeply and share “my first hantavirus signs” tales. Complimentary vomit buckets are offered.
Fecal Face Portray
Utilizing all-natural, ethically sourced natural rodent droppings combined with glitter and important oils. The extra creative the rat-poop portrait in your face, the louder the applause.
The Nice Cabin Contamination Contest
Visitors compete to see whose cabin accumulates essentially the most wildlife exercise by the tip of the cruise. Judges (carrying hazmat fits) rating primarily based on the variety of rats, urine puddles, suppurating boils on the pores and skin, and nesting high quality. The winner will get their cabin identify engraved on a commemorative plague earlier than being thrown overboard.
Rat Tail Cocktail Mixing Class
Study to make signature drinks like: The Hanta Margarita (further salt rim + thriller moist barely crunchy garnish)
Droppings Previous Long-established Piss Spritz (glowing, with a particular kick)
“Don’t Clear the Cabin” Problem
Every week-long competitors the place the individual whose cabin appears to be like (and smells) essentially the most lived-in by rodents wins a free go to to the Titanic wreck in an experimental, makeshift submarine constructed from carbon fibre-reinforced plastic managed with a PlayStation controller. Housekeeping is strictly forbidden.
Night Leisure
Rodent Roulette
Stay rats launched onto a spinning wheel with numbered slots. The place the rat pees or poops determines which desk will get complimentary appetisers… in addition to extreme gastroenteritis.
Sundown “Breath of Contemporary Hanta” Yoga
On the highest deck at nightfall. Inhale deeply because the breeze carries fantastic particles from the decrease decks. Bonus poses embrace “Downward Dropping Rat” and “Warrior of Aerosolised Rat Urine.”
Disembarkation Memento Station
Take dwelling your very personal sealed vial of cruise-collected droppings or a framed picture of the precise rat that visited your pillow.
To win free tickets on the Hantavirus Cruise, ship a self-addressed envelope to DS Hantavirus Cruise Comp. P.O. Field 3843, LONDON, W4D 1TB, with a photograph of your favorite politician…ahem…we meant rat.
