ANCHORAGE, AK – Worldwide political observers are shocked at this time after U.S. President Donald Trump made the controversial transfer of asking Russian President Vladimir Putin for a 20% gratuity, “as a advised minimal”, after promoting him the nation of Ukraine.
Following the 2 leaders’ highly-anticipated assembly in Alaska, the place Trump made the wholly anticipated transfer of instantly abandoning Ukraine to the Russian forces that illegally invaded it 3 years in the past, witnesses had been shocked when Trump handed Putin a small iPad and demanded a tip on prime of the sale.
Insiders report that Putin balked at Trump’s demand for a 20% “auto-gratuity” on prime of his previously-agreed upon fee of $10 billion laundered by means of his family’s cryptocurrency trade, the development of Trump Tower Moscow, and GRU cyber-interference when Trump runs for a 3rd time period in 2028.
“Had Donald come all the way in which to me to promote out the democratically-elected nation of Ukraine, I’d perceive tipping on the supply,” defined a flabbergasted Putin to the gaggle of remaining reporters he had not but disappeared to Siberian gulags. “However I needed to go all the way in which to Alaska to select it up!”
“Tipping tradition has gotten utterly uncontrolled,” added Putin, earlier than ordering extra drone strikes on Ukrainian pediatric hospitals.
Trump’s transfer was met by shock from the worldwide diplomatic neighborhood. “It’s dangerous sufficient to double cross a very long time ally with a purpose to profit from a transparently corrupt quid professional quo between two authoritarian pseudo-strongmen,” noticed UN Secretary-Basic António Guterres, “However asking for a 20% tip on prime of that’s completely monstrous!”
Following the perfunctory assembly the place the nation of Ukraine was betrayed by its former ally to hostile neighbouring energy, Trump addressed reporters about his resolution to request an extra 20 or extra % on prime.
“Look, it’s referred to as the gig economic system, and tipping is an enormous huge a part of it,” Trump answered after a reporter requested when he plans to launch the Epstein information. “You have a look at Uber Eats, we love Uber Eats, they usually found out develop into the center man for restaurant supply, so the sap delivering the food and the dipshit restaurant don’t receives a commission squat.”
Trump continued, “On this instance I’m Uber Eats delivering the soggy pad thai, which is the sovereign nation of Ukraine, to the hungry buyer, which is President Putin, and that’s why I deserve a 20% or most likely a 28% tip.”
Requested whether or not he had ever thought of not promoting out Ukraine’s pursuits to Russia, Trump answered, “No, that was the deal we organized.”
At press time Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was planning a diplomatic mission to one of many many nations he is ready to freely journey to as a result of he’s not a fucking battle prison.
