Perfectionism Makes Me Indecisive — What Can I Do?

On Thursday, we checked out perfectionism by means of the eyes of a highschool scholar. When are good grades adequate? Nice query. At present, we’re again to the subject of perfectionism and the way it makes us indecisive in our later years. How will we overcome the paralysis of perfectionistic indecision in necessary life choices? That’s the problem confronted by two retirees, Elisa and her husband, a pair with a historic connection to you, Pastor John. Elisa writes with a narrative and a dilemma.

“Whats up, Pastor John! Thanks in your ministry over all these years. By the way, we [she and her husband] met you as post-Stanford college students attending InterVarsity’s Western Management Convention, someday round 1985. I used to be one of many worship leaders at that convention and vividly bear in mind you talking on Christian Hedonism — a life-changing paradigm for us. Now that we’re empty nesters, my husband and I are asking the query, ‘How will we spend the subsequent portion of our lives?’ Nonetheless, for higher or worse, my pricey husband is one thing of a perfectionist and doesn’t wish to make a mistake in answering this necessary query. So, the query turns into, ‘When the stakes are so excessive, how do you not develop into paralyzed with worry of constructing a mistake?’”

I’ve to ask, Why? How are you going to be a perfectionist as an empty nester? How are you going to dwell that lengthy and nonetheless be a perfectionist? Effectively, anyway, he’s. So, we get to take care of this.

Elisa, that is great to be reminded of these days at Stanford. I bear in mind them. And I bear in mind them fairly clearly for causes that aren’t altogether optimistic, as a result of I do not forget that the chief of the InterVarsity group and I had been transferring in several instructions, it appeared. I’m going to shut with that in only a few minutes and apply that to your scenario.

So, listed below are the issues that come to my thoughts. And I’m in precisely your scenario. You’re youthful than I’m, however I’m eager about that query. Listed here are my ideas.

1. Understand that to not determine is to disobey.

Among the best methods to beat the perfectionistic worry of constructing a mistake in what you determine to do is to comprehend that deciding nothing is the largest mistake. There’s your deal-breaker. That’ll get you going. In different phrases, you aren’t in a impartial zone. There aren’t any impartial zones. To not transfer towards a God-sized objective on this subsequent season of your life is to disobey. So, standing nonetheless will not be an possibility, as a result of it means you’re drifting. You’re by no means standing nonetheless — you’re drifting and also you’re coasting with the tradition and the way in which of the world. That’s the very first thing.

2. Anticipate God to steer you as you progress.

When you’re tied up within the harbor of consolation and leisure, God ordinarily won’t offer you clear course. He provides course to captains who level their ship out of the harbor into the storm. Take into consideration Jonah (a counterintuitive illustration). Even Jonah was transferring in precisely the fallacious course, and God stopped him. He didn’t ship him house and say, “Begin over!” No, he didn’t ship him house. He made that journey a part of the journey. And he despatched him precisely the place he needed him to be — not precisely in the way in which he needed, however he acquired him the place he needed to go as a result of he was transferring.

3. Get began by means of investigative transferring.

One of many methods to be transferring with out realizing precisely the place you’re going is what I’d name investigative transferring. You’re transferring when you find yourself pursuing prospects with severe investigation. That too is transferring.

4. Belief God’s promise to information you.

Take coronary heart from the various guarantees of God that, in his nice mercy, he gives you the steering you want whenever you belief him. For instance, Psalm 25:8: “Good and upright is the Lord; due to this fact he instructs sinners in the way in which.” So, we qualify. He instructs sinners in the way in which. “He leads the standard” — individuals who know that they’re sinners and admit it and cry out. “He leads the standard in what is true, and teaches the standard his means” (Psalm 25:9). That may be a treasured promise of steering.

5. Obey clear instructions in God’s phrase.

Pursue with all of your may what’s crystal clear as God’s will in Scripture. For instance, 1 Thessalonians 4:3: “That is the desire of God [for Elisa and her husband], your sanctification” — your holiness. When you’ve got a full, deep, vast, wealthy understanding of holiness, it’s not dangerous recommendation to say, “Pursue holiness with all of your may, and do as you please. Simply do.” As a result of in case you are captivated with being holy and maximizing your love of God, then it’ll occur. God loves to offer fruitful course to lovers of holiness who pursue it with all their hearts.

6. Dream greater than growing older fatalism.

On this means of prayer and investigation, dream greater than growing older fatalism would enable you. I discover in my very own coronary heart at age seventy the temptation to suppose, “I don’t have lengthy to dwell. So, I needs to be in all probability restricted in my goals of what I can accomplish.” Now, I feel that’s a mistake. I feel it’s a severe mistake. And I’m attempting to attempt in opposition to that thought. I do not know how lengthy I’ve left. You don’t both.

“God loves to offer fruitful course to lovers of holiness who pursue it with all their hearts.”

I by no means have had any thought how lengthy I’ve left. However once I was youthful, I assumed that I may accomplish extra merely due to the period of time that was in entrance of me in all probability. However in reality, the accomplishments got here due to God’s blessing on a selected season. It wasn’t the size of life; it was the ability of seasons. And who is aware of what you may accomplish within the subsequent season? So, don’t let the fatalism of growing older restrict your goals of fruitfulness.

7. Ask how you’ll get probably the most of God himself.

And the very last thing pertains to Stanford, 1985. One of many causes I look again with some disappointment on these Christian Hedonism talks is as a result of, little by little, because the sequence of messages went on, I noticed myself — by means of interacting with college students and the chief — stepping into a distinct course than the InterVarsity chief on the time. His stress was on the surprise and the glory of the truth that God works for us. We’re not God’s workers attempting to earn wages. We’re the sufferers of the Nice Doctor, who’s utilizing all his knowledge and his talent to serve us and our everlasting well being. And that’s true, and I like it.

However the notice I used to be putting then (and have been ever since) was that when God works for us, the objective of his work is to suit us for having fun with God himself. That’s what the Doctor does — not like several earthly doctor. This heavenly Doctor is attempting to get our illness healed that makes us discover substitutes for God in order that in our wellness, we’ll see him, know him, love him, be glad in him. God himself is the all-satisfying treasure. And as I recall, the scholars again then started to discern a distinct trajectory between me and the chief.

So, right here’s the way in which it pertains to you. In your case now, the query, maybe, lastly is that this: What new imaginative and prescient for our subsequent chapter of life would trigger us to style most absolutely the ability of God, the knowledge of God, the grace of God in our lives? How can we get extra of God? And I feel that if that’s the eagerness, God will present you the reply.” from the Transcript