My Friend Is Refusing to Talk Politics With Me. Can She Do That?

My spouse and I are longtime pals with one other couple whose political opinions differ from mine. I’ve disagreed with the spouse sometimes on some points, and she or he with me — however all the time respectfully. Earlier than the presidential election, I instructed her that I didn’t plan to vote as a result of I couldn’t help both candidate. She had a damaging response to this and instructed me that, going ahead, we must always keep away from political discussions if we need to stay pals. I discovered her assertion self-righteous — as if she may be pals solely with individuals who agree along with her, and I ought to be cautious to not specific a special political opinion. Is that a suitable floor rule for friendship?

FRIEND

Day-after-day now — and sometimes, each hour — I’m confronted by some reminder of what a divisive time that is in American life. (It’s miserable — and exhausting.) And worse, I’ve begun to lose religion that we are going to discuss our approach out of this mess. Most individuals I do know appear to be accomplished with being persuaded. Certainly you will need to have seen one thing alongside these strains.

So, I’m largely sympathetic together with your buddy. Somewhat than participating in extended and pointless arguments, or jeopardizing a longtime friendship, she has prompt a boundary to cut back her aggravation throughout her leisure time. It doesn’t sound as if she is foisting her opinions on you. In actual fact, it appears fairly evenhanded to me — not self-righteous in any respect.

Now, if her proposal bothers you, you may make a pitch for continued political debate. However frankly, if you happen to weren’t motivated to vote by the starkly totally different views espoused by the candidates final yr, realizing one in all them was certain to win, it appears disingenuous to say that you would be able to’t make it by means of a cocktail party with out sounding off on politics. Discover one other matter! Your buddy is making an attempt to protect her tranquillity and your friendship. I respect her for that.

Feeling Left Out of the Image

My husband and I’ve been married for 15 years. Now we have a teenage daughter. Sadly, each of his mother and father died lengthy earlier than we met. His sister hangs a big household {photograph} from 30 years in the past above her mantel: It consists of my husband’s ex-wife and one other sibling’s ex, and it doesn’t embody me or our daughter. After I talked about the big photograph to my husband, he mentioned that their mother and father are in it, which is why his sister hangs it there. However why can’t she discover a totally different photograph? Is it honest that I’m upset?