QUEEN’S PARK – As thick smoke blankets Ontario skies, Premier Doug Ford has declared that he’ll divert public funds to as many personal spa services because it takes to douse the raging wildfires.
“Of us, this smoke state of affairs is so unhealthy that I almost minimize brief my 21-week lengthy summer season trip,” mentioned Ford by way of Zoom from his family’s Muskoka cottage. “Luckily, I’ve referred to as the nerds who run my workplace and instructed them to cease at nothing to construct new spas, saunas, plunge swimming pools, and outside baths, in hopes that they may fight the fires. You’re welcome.”
Ford then added that he had he had ordered additional cuts to the Ontario firefighting allocations, which had already firefighting finances by $42 million and emergency preparedness minimize by $4 million, all of which can be funnelled to the primary European spa firm that brings an unmarked manilla envelope to one among his daughters’ weddings.
“Of us, spas are principally water, and that’s gotta be helpful for stopping forest fires. That’s simply science,” Ford added, earlier than hopping on his jet ski. “See ya in October, dorks!”
At press time, has anyone heard from Timmins these days?
