There are years that depart you bruised, after which there are years that strip you right down to your bones. The yr earlier than I boarded a aircraft to Portugal was the second type.
I received’t spill each messy element, however let’s simply say it was a collision of non-public heartbreak, skilled uncertainty, and a creeping sense that I’d misplaced the stronger, lighter model of myself I used to know. The model that after greeted challenges with curiosity as an alternative of dread.
By December, I used to be working on fumes. That’s once I did one thing fully uncharacteristic: I booked a one-way ticket to Lisbon.
I didn’t go trying to find an escape a lot as a reset. And what I discovered on cobbled streets, windswept coastlines, and in quiet moments of reflection was one thing deeper.
I discovered items of myself I assumed have been gone for good.
Right here’s what the journey taught me.
Hitting all-time low could be a starting
J.K. Rowling as soon as stated, “All-time low turned the strong basis on which I rebuilt my life.”
That line echoed in my head as I sat on the aircraft, staring out the window someplace over the Atlantic.
For thus lengthy, I’d been petrified of my very own collapse—as if admitting issues had fallen aside meant I used to be completely damaged.
However strolling by the Alfama district, listening to the melancholic fado singers spill their sorrows into the night time air, I noticed that collapse additionally clears the bottom.
In Portugal, I gave myself permission to see all-time low as a basis, not a failure.
Each fallacious flip in Lisbon’s winding alleys jogged my memory that even while you’re misplaced, you’ll be able to discover one thing unexpectedly stunning.
Change isn’t elective—it’s survival
There’s a quote from Viktor Frankl that caught with me throughout my travels: “After we are now not in a position to change a state of affairs, we’re challenged to alter ourselves.”
That felt painfully related. I couldn’t undo the heartbreak or rewind the skilled setbacks of my previous yr. However what I might do was shift my perspective.
Every morning, I walked to a small café close to my rented condo and practiced one thing I’d deserted again dwelling: stillness. No multitasking. No speeding. Simply sipping sturdy Portuguese espresso and listening to the hum of strangers’ conversations.
At first, I used to be stressed. Then I observed how this small change started softening the perimeters of my nervousness.
Frankl was proper—when life forces your hand, development isn’t a luxurious. It’s the one means ahead.
Magnificence can develop out of struggling
Kahlil Gibran as soon as wrote, “Out of struggling have emerged the strongest souls; essentially the most huge characters are seared with scars.”
I didn’t totally perceive that till I wandered by Sintra’s misty hills, my legs aching from the climb. Every step felt like a metaphor for the yr I had endured—gradual, heavy, however carrying me someplace larger.
Looking from the stone partitions of the Castelo dos Mouros, I thought of how my scars weren’t simply reminders of ache. They have been proof of survival.
They have been the maps of the place I had been. And perhaps, like Gibran urged, they have been additionally the beginnings of my power.
It’s unusual, isn’t it? The very experiences that break us can find yourself carving out house for one thing sturdier, extra enduring, extra actual.
Slowing down helps you hear your self once more
When was the final time you actually listened to your self? Not the critic in your head or the to-do listing voice, however the quieter one beneath?
In Portugal, I lastly did. I spent hours by the ocean in Cascais, simply letting the waves crash with out distraction. I observed how the rhythm of the ocean matched one thing in me—one thing I hadn’t paid consideration to in years.
At dwelling, I used to be at all times speeding: work deadlines, social obligations, the fixed hum of busyness.
However by stepping away, I remembered that my internal voice doesn’t shout. It whispers. And you’ll solely hear it when you decelerate sufficient to hear.
Discomfort is commonly a doorway
I’ll be sincere—touring alone scared me. I fumbled with the language, acquired misplaced on winding trams, and ate dinners on my own whereas {couples} stuffed the tables round me.
However right here’s the factor: each time I leaned into that discomfort, one thing shifted. A form stranger helped me navigate the metro. A quiet meal alone become an opportunity to replicate with out interruption.
Discomfort wasn’t punishment—it was a doorway. And strolling by it confirmed me that worry and development typically reside facet by facet.
New locations remind you that you just’re not caught
One of many hardest elements of my “worst yr” was feeling trapped—like my life had narrowed right into a hall with no doorways.
However standing in Porto, watching the solar sink over the Douro River, I noticed how unfaithful that was.
Life is larger than the field we put ourselves in. Journey shakes up our perspective, reminds us the world is huge, and that our issues aren’t the entire image.
It doesn’t erase the struggles, however it helps you see them in proportion. And typically, that shift in scale is sufficient to breathe once more.
Wholeness comes from acceptance, not perfection
One night in Lisbon, I used to be journaling about every little thing I wished to “repair” in myself.
The failures. The regrets. The messy feelings I had been making an attempt to push away.
That’s when a passage from a ebook I’d just lately learn got here again to me. In Laughing in the Face of Chaos, Rudá Iandê writes, “After we let go of the must be excellent, we free ourselves to reside totally—embracing the mess, complexity, and richness of a life that is delightfully actual.”
His perception landed in another way as I appeared out on the tiled rooftops. I didn’t must be polished or put-together to deserve pleasure. I simply wanted to cease combating myself and settle for the wholeness that was already there.
This ebook has been a robust reminder that development isn’t about changing into flawless—it’s about dropping the masks we’ve worn for too lengthy.
And actually, it impressed me to see my time in Portugal much less as a quest for reinvention and extra as an opportunity to recollect who I already was.
Connection heals in stunning methods
I didn’t count on connection to be such an enormous a part of my journey. I assumed it might be a solitary reset. However conversations with strangers—an older lady who confirmed me the very best pastel de nata bakery, a fellow traveler who swapped tales on an extended practice experience—have been therapeutic in methods I didn’t see coming.
These temporary connections jogged my memory that even while you really feel untethered, you’re by no means actually alone.
Typically it’s the small kindness of strangers that helps you reorient to your self.
Your power reveals up while you least count on it
I assumed I used to be fragile heading into this journey. However I shocked myself. I navigated crowded markets, drove winding roads on the Algarve coast, and even hiked trails I’d have averted again dwelling.
Every time I did one thing I assumed I couldn’t, I felt a chunk of myself return.
The reality is, resilience doesn’t at all times announce itself. Typically it sneaks up on you in small victories—the sort you solely discover while you’re pushed outdoors your normal boundaries.
Portugal jogged my memory that I used to be stronger than the story I had been telling myself.
The model of you that’s misplaced isn’t gone
By the point I flew again, I noticed one thing necessary: I hadn’t found a “new” me in Portugal. I had reconnected with the model of myself that had at all times been there—buried beneath exhaustion, worry, and self-doubt.
The late-night music in Lisbon, the quiet cliffs of the Algarve, the style of sturdy espresso on gradual mornings—they didn’t create a brand new identification. They peeled again the layers that had been hiding the true me.
And isn’t that the purpose of beginning over? To understand that what you thought was misplaced was by no means gone—it was simply ready so that you can discover it once more.
Last ideas
Trying again, Portugal didn’t hand me a brand-new life. What it gave me was perspective.
It jogged my memory that damaged chapters don’t erase who we’re—they invite us to satisfy ourselves in a deeper means.
The toughest seasons in life could make us imagine we’re completely diminished.
However the fact is, the elements of us that really feel misplaced are sometimes simply ready for stillness, braveness, or a change of surroundings to resurface.
If this previous yr taught me something, it’s that therapeutic isn’t about outrunning ache or reinventing your self into somebody unrecognizable.
It’s about peeling away the noise, leaning into discomfort, and permitting what’s actual in you to rise once more.
So when you end up standing at your individual crossroads, take into account this: perhaps the “you” you’re trying to find was by no means gone in any respect.
Possibly she’s simply ready so that you can discover her once more.
