TORONTO – Within the wake of the Leafs discovering a brand new playoff efficiency low level even decrease than their earlier playoff lowpoints, fan Martin Scheffel suggested that he takes consolation in the truth that in the future the Leafs received’t have the ability to trigger him any extra ache, and that will likely be when he’s useless.
“Some day my time will come,” stated Scheffel. “And although I’ll miss my family and friends, as I drift off into oblivion I’ll have just one thought: I’ll by no means have to observe the Toronto Maple Leafs play hockey ever once more.”
“And that thought will assist me cross the River Styx with a smile on my face.”
Scheffel, who was doomed to be a Leafs fan by destiny, geography, and his father shopping for him a Carleton The Bear teddy when he was a child, has spent all of his 35 years on the residing aircraft struggling by the hands of his favorite group.
However, regardless of understanding he will likely be unable to cease cheering for the group so long as he lives, he has begun taking consolation in the truth that, on the opposite facet, he will likely be free within the everlasting void of nothingness to by no means hear the phrases Mitch Marner, Leafs powerplay struggles or ‘can the Core 4 lastly step up in massive video games’ ever once more.
“I don’t know what occurs after we die. I simply know that any God or Gods would by no means be so merciless as to make it attainable to observe Leafs video games from the afterlife.”
At press time the Universe was planning on reincarnating Scheffel as a Sabres fan.
