Bear in mind when New York believed within the “Damaged Home windows” principle — the concept addressing minor crimes might stop main ones?
Or when stop-and-frisk was the NYPD’s (controversial) instrument of alternative for proactive enforcement?
Nicely, these had been the great previous days — when the town a minimum of pretended to consider in stopping crime.
Now, beneath Mayor Eric Adams, we’ve entered a daring new period: that of the Panic Button Doctrine™.
Why cease crime earlier than it occurs when you’ll be able to simply set up a $3,200 plastic button to press after it begins?
Sure, the town will spend $1.6 million to position panic buttons in 500 bodegas — a plan so reactive, so symbolic, so completely on-brand for contemporary New York governance, it makes President Trump’s Oval Office Diet Coke button appear like actual infrastructure.
“As a substitute of simply having the cats holding away the rats, we’re going to have a direct reference to the police to maintain away these harmful cats that attempt to rob our shops,” Adams defined, proudly turning crime prevention right into a confused feline metaphor.
Nothing conjures up confidence like a mayor evaluating armed theft to a Tom & Jerry rerun.
These state-of-the-art buttons will join on to the NYPD’s command heart, bypassing these pesky 911 operators who waste your time with trivial questions like “what’s your emergency?” and “what’s your location?”
Now you’ll be able to simply hit the button and hope for the perfect.
However wait — in a stroke of tactical brilliance, the town received’t reveal which bodegas have buttons.
Why? To create “the component of shock,” Adams says.
As a result of criminals, as everyone knows, all the time examine the Official Panic Button Registry™ earlier than robbing a retailer.
“Maintain up, let me Google whether or not this deli is buttoned-up earlier than I commit this felony.”
However what if the Adams Panic Button isn’t only a floundering mayor’s determined coverage? What if it sparks a motion that spurs the remainder of New York’s political class to get in on the button bonanza?
Think about if Andrew Cuomo, as a part of his political comeback, proposes panic button necklaces for all female employees, to keep off what he calls his “old style Italian allure.”
Hitting the Cuomo button would additionally activate a authorized fund and a disaster PR agency.
After a beta check in Gaza, Zohran Mamdani might promise The Button of All Buttons™.
Press it and everything becomes free: hire, transit, groceries, info. It could be solar-powered, 100% recyclable, and include a free ‘zine about decolonizing municipal finance.
Curtis Sliwa would go full retro with a plan to embed buttons in each Guardian Angels beret, every hardwired to 1979.
Press it as soon as, and Curtis seems beside you yelling about “high quality of life” with a growth field and nunchucks. Press it twice and Studio 54 reopens.
And this might simply be the start. Consider the probabilities:
- Subway psycho shoving individuals onto tracks? Push a button.
- Getting evicted as a result of hire hikes? Push one other button.
- Witnessing a fentanyl overdose? Push the actually quick button, now with NARCAN-scented LED lights.
- Countless migrants, collapsing psychological well being companies, cops quitting in droves? One button to rule all of them — it routes your determined pleas straight to an AI chatbot named “Neighborhood Engagement,” which spends the primary three minutes determining your most well-liked pronouns earlier than responding with traces like “What I believe I hear you saying is…” and “Your enter is effective to us.”
Damaged Home windows as soon as urged cleansing up graffiti would stop homicide; Panic Button Coverage waits till the homicide is in progress, then drops a GPS pin.
Cease-and-frisk meant questioning suspicious people; Panic Button Policing simply hopes somebody hits the swap earlier than the register is emptied.
We’ve gone from crime prevention to efficiency artwork.
There’s no changing the exhausting work of public security with a Life Alert.
“Assist! I’ve fallen sufferer to municipal negligence — and I can’t stand up!”
The reality is, there aren’t any push-button solutions to fixing New York Metropolis.
However we’re caught with a political class extra enthusiastic about optics than outcomes — extra comfy saying tech gimmicks than in doing the exhausting, thankless work that actual change requires.
New Yorkers deserve greater than AI-generated housing plans, magical pondering or nostalgic bromides.
Outdated issues have new dynamics — and so they demand actual, artistic options.
Not recycled slogans. Not reactive stunts.
Not the fantasy that every part could be had without spending a dime with out consequence.
New York’s leaders can hold pushing buttons. The remainder of us are pushing and hoping for one thing higher.
David Catalfamo, president of Capital Public Methods, was a communications director and vice chairman for financial improvement beneath Gov. George Pataki.
