VATICAN CITY—With many remarking that they’d had their eyes on the holy artifacts since they first noticed them, cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church reportedly started putting stickers this week on the Vatican relics they needed when Pope Francis dies. “I’ll take these fragments of the true cross, I’ll take St. Peter’s bones, and earlier than another person claims it, I’ll take the Shroud of Turin,” mentioned His Eminence Giovanni Battista Re, dean of the Faculty of Cardinals, who positioned an adhesive crimson dot onto the Veil of Veronica and remarked that it might carry a a lot wanted pop of shade to his in any other case drab bed room. “Truthfully, Pope Francis and I already talked about my inheritance, however I don’t wish to miss out on the great things like I did when John Paul died. There’s no approach Cardinal Mamberti is getting his grubby little palms on my crown of thorn fragments. Or my favourite, the holy foreskin.” At press time, Cardinal Re was kicking himself after a fellow prelate had overwhelmed him to the punch and positioned a sticker on the Holy Lance.
