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February is meant to be the shortest month. Alas, for my pals within the press, there are not any brief months underneath President Donald Trump.
With the assistance of DOGE boss Elon Musk, Trump made 28 days look like the conservative model of Mao’s lengthy march. Cuts, slashes, firings, suspensions and extra dominated the information. And, in fact, the place would the media be with out impeachment discuss?
The far left nonetheless hasn’t taken a cue from the election outcomes. Wisconsin Democrat Gov. Tony Evers even backed a funds that twists the phrase “mom” into the time period “inseminated particular person.” The job necessities to guide a state of 6 million aren’t very excessive.
Former President Joe Biden indicators along with his outdated rep whereas President Donald Trump made February’s 28 days look like the conservative model of Mao’s lengthy march. (Getty Pictures )
It wasn’t all political. The month additionally featured Ye (previously Kanye West) doing loopy and disgusting issues I gained’t sully this op-ed with, however ought to earn him his personal DS quantity. And to mark his present’s fiftieth anniversary, “Saturday Night time Reside” honcho Lorne Michaels claimed that one of the vital persistently liberal applications in TV historical past is “nonpartisan.”
THE GIGANTIC SLUSH FUND INSIDE THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE
That stage of madness was mirrored within the loopy tales of the month.
1. Paying Biden to speak – Former presidents usually retire to the lecture circuit the place individuals pay six or seven figures simply to listen to them discuss. Then there’s lately unemployed ex-President Joe Biden. Speaking isn’t one thing he’s been in a position to muster for years. Regardless of that, Biden is again with Inventive Artists Company (CAA), which repped for him from 2017-2020. Seems to be like Biden’s handlers assume there’s nonetheless some life left in his… pockets.
To not be outdone, former Vice President Kamala Harris signed with the identical agency. Perhaps she’ll get a multimillion-dollar Netflix deal identical to former President Barack Obama. She already has appearing expertise within the live-action model of “Veep.”
2. ‘Depraved’ is correct – “Depraved” star Cynthia Erivo is meant to look in a model of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical, “Jesus Christ Celebrity.” Not stunning, the Freddy Krueger-esque actress (take a look at the fingernails – at a secure distance) performed Mary Magdalene in an all-female model in 2020. This time, the bald-headed actress, who “identifies as queer and bisexual” and vegan, based on Pink Information, is meant to be taking part in Jesus. Realizing Hollywood, they gained’t simply change the savior’s gender, they’ll in all probability make Judas the hero, too.
RADICAL TRANSPARENCY IS THE SECRET TO TRUMP’S EARLY SUCCESS
3. Bond, Jane Bond – Amazon simply acquired rights to the famous James Bond franchise. “Lord of the Rings” followers know what which means and so do our pals at CNN. The outlet posted, “Right here’s who we’d like to see play 007 subsequent.” Dan Heching, one among their leisure editors, listed seven recommended candidates together with Idris Elba, who has the talents however is already 52. Naturally, two of CNN’s proposed spy kings are… ladies.
It has been recommended that Tilda Swinton tackle the function of 007. (Chris Saucedo/Getty Pictures for SXSW)
The range-rich 007 checklist included Gugu Mbatha-Uncooked and Tilda Swinton. Swinton is greater than a decade older than Elba. None of that issues so long as we get Bond to do a gender transition.
4. Peta returns in Groundhog Day irony – Everybody appeared to like my mockery of Peta attempting to dump frozen manure final month. The Eco Karens have returned, identical to Groundhog Day. Because it’s solely their second point out, they’re nonetheless unreformed in Invoice Murray-esque style. This month they need to substitute TV’s star groundhog Punxsutawney Phil with a “climate reveal” cake.
Image the gang of frozen Pennsylvanians gathering round a cake that turns both blue or pink to point whether or not Warmth Miser or Snow Miser will go to. Out goes the animal kingdom’s Jim Cantore and in comes an inedible vegan cake. All as a result of, within the phrases of Peta, we have to present “Phil a slice of decency.” Subsequent time you see an outdated “Value Is Proper” rerun, curse the late Bob Barker for supporting the Peta whackos.
THE MOST REVOLUTIONARY MONTH OF ANY MODERN PRESIDENCY
Punxsutawney Phil is held up after being pulled out of his burrow on Groundhog Day, Feb. 2, 2025. (PCNTV)
5. Nice Danes – Individuals have been sick of Californians at the very least since Ronald Reagan stopped being governor. That doesn’t imply we’re prepared to provide it as much as international nations barely bigger than Maryland. In spite of everything, there are at the very least 15 main professional sports activities groups within the state, relying on the way you need to depend. (Occurring 14 because the Oakland A’s head to Vegas, child!) A few of our European pals need to wrest it away from Uncle Sam. Over 266,000 individuals have signed on to a petition urging, “Let’s Purchase California from Trump – Denmark’s Subsequent Massive Journey.”
Denmark’s GDP is $432 billion or only a bit behind that world financial energy, Bangladesh. California alone has a GDP about 9 occasions larger. (Guess you didn’t count on an econ lesson.) So, no sale except they need to take all of the liberal Hollywood individuals who have invaded the remainder of the U.S. Then, it’s California, right here we go.
6. Chicago, we’ve got an issue – I’m by no means going to win any recognition contests. That’s why I don’t run for workplace. Being unpopular is an issue in politics, although. Take Chicago Democrat Mayor Brandon Johnson… please. New polling, courtesy of Politico, D-DNC, exhibits Johnson with a favorability of 6.6% and a adverse score of 79.9%. Sauron in all probability polled higher in Rohan. And Johnson is a Democrat in a metropolis his social gathering controls. With numbers like these, opponents might run famed Chicago mobster Al Capone towards him and win. And Capone handed away in 1947.
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7. Dueling liberals – The state of former Washington Publish media is astonishing. On one hand, you’ve got former tech reporter Taylor Lorenz masking up and nonetheless apprehensive about COVID-19. And on the opposite, there’s former Post columnist Jen Rubin together with her equally boring associate Norm Eisen on The Contrarian.
Each shops are profitable. Little question about it. Heck, The Contrarian hit 500,000 Substack subscribers this month, which in all probability qualifies it as a authorized substitute for Melatonin. Watching “Espresso with The Contrarians” and listening to Eisen promise a “dad joke of the day” is a commentary on what occurs when the Mad Journal technology exits their golden years and enters their Biden years.
Taylor Lorenz posts repeatedly about COVID, particularly about carrying a masks. “Masking up is crucial!” (Getty Pictures)
Lorenz posts repeatedly about COVID, particularly about carrying a masks. “Masking up is crucial! We shield one another <3,” she declares to her readers.
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Say what you need about her, she’s not boring. She marked Valentine’s Day by sharing a lady’s video of, “3 causes Valentine’s Day is Horrible for Affair Companions.” Right here’s the Lorenz snarky take: “Whereas u would possibly need to rejoice Valentine’s Day, please bear in mind how onerous and troublesome at the present time is for these having an affair with ur beloved one
Choose your poison.
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January: The 6 craziest stories of January. Salute!
