By: Chris Standin
President Trump has gone forward along with his lengthy rumoured plans to place a 25% tariff on all Canadian items offered in the USA (aside from power, which bought 10%). He believes he can use brute financial drive to make us bend the knee, and presumably even annex us. However he doesn’t understand how robust Canadians are, how a lot we love our nation, and the way a lot we are going to go to absolute warfare over even probably the most minor slight.
We’re the nation that conquered Vimy Ridge after the British and French failed. The nation that invented peacekeeping and insulin. And the individuals which might be truthfully nonetheless fairly mad a few french choose costing our determine skaters a gold medal 23 years in the past. We raised such a stink the Olympics ultimately allow them to share the gold medal with the unique winners and we nonetheless complain about it to at the present time.
You suppose we’re going to beg to your mercy Donald? That we’ll simply give in to no matter insane calls for you make on our industries, our borders, our very sovereignty? I doubt it. Did Terry Fox cease operating his day by day marathon on one leg simply because it rained? No. Did the Pink Military cease Henderson from successful the Summit Sequence? I don’t suppose so. Did many years passing get Oilers followers to lastly forgive Wayne Gretzky’s spouse for perhaps having a hand in him being traded to L.A.? Completely fucking not.
On the finish of the day, Canada is many issues. However above all else, we’re a bunch of grudge holding motherfuckers. You’ve taken your shot at us, so now we gained’t relaxation till we get you again. And never simply with the large, tariff stuff. Prepare for an entire bunch of small, finally inconsequential however nonetheless fairly annoying strikes from us. We’re going to boo your anthem, pour out your bourbon, and proceed not driving your Cybertrucks. We would even flip off the electrical energy for the northeast proper earlier than the Tremendous Bowl. Fuck it. Why not?
Consider us like John Wick (starring Keanu Reeves, considered one of many nice Canadian performers we’ve been sort sufficient to ship your means you ungrateful fucks). We didn’t need a struggle. However you killed our canine. Time for us to go full Baba Yaga.
