Ashes will not be the stuff of life.
I realized that in August 2023 from a mortician making ready to cremate my mom. The natural matter in an individual’s physique, I used to be instructed, vaporizes when burned scorching sufficient, abandoning the pulverized, inorganic substance we name ashes.
So what I’d name “Mother” is definitely a pile of inert minerals indistinguishable from some other individual’s stays. Put the stuff within the floor, and vegetation will develop round it however not by it.
But these ashes imply one thing. They’re remaining, heartbreakingly insufficient, tangible proof of my mother’s existence. They’re a relic that helps me mirror on life earlier than and after her dying.
I considered that because the ashes of timber, properties and possessions destroyed by the Eaton fireplace in Altadena lined sidewalks, automobiles and anything that remained exterior throughout the apocalyptic windstorm final week. My household lives just a few miles downwind from Altadena, and on the night time of Jan. 7, the situations appeared excessive sufficient that we too may want to go away. East of us, several houses burned down in a spot fireplace believed to have been ignited by embers blown from Altadena.
A niece in Glendale, farther from the Eaton fireplace’s origin however underneath larger menace than we had been, evacuated to our residence. Household, associates, outdated highschool classmates — many fled. Some misplaced their properties and extra.
Their losses are actual and incomparable to the mere misery felt by these of us who nonetheless have roofs over our heads and faculties for our youngsters to attend. Our struggling, when you can name it that, comes from empathy; theirs, from the unforgiving bully of expertise.
And but the collective trauma to Los Angeles is simple, particularly to communities near Altadena and Pacific Palisades. The ash that fell on us for days was however a bodily reminder, a merciful one at that, of the destruction simply up the street from us.
Almost two weeks later, Altadena’s ashes stay in sidewalk crevices and different hard-to-clean locations in my neighborhood. Some other time, you’d assume a bunch of cigarette people who smoke hadn’t cleaned up after themselves. Or, if this had been a extra “typical” fireplace deeper within the mountains, it could possibly be the stays of shrubs and timber blown in from Angeles Nationwide Forest. That occurred during the Bobcat fire in 2020.
This time, and from this fireplace, it’s completely different.
Driving the household minivan, I used the wipers to clear mud and dirt off the windshield — after which questioned what remnants of different households’ lives I had simply thoughtlessly brushed away. Maybe these specks had been as soon as household photographs, diplomas hanging on partitions, possibly even pages from the hymn books within the burned-down church the place the partner of one among my spouse’s colleagues is the rector.
Which properties’ ashes are neighbors scattering by sweeping off their driveways? May any of the stays be from the classroom in Altadena the place my spouse and I took our youngsters to Mrs. Henry’s early parenting class? From the home on Christmas Tree Lane the place, two years in the past, mannequin practice builders graciously entertained my youngsters?
Winds had blown these ashes, relics from Altadena’s trauma, throughout us. And as we would grieve over the stays of a deceased beloved one, these may prod us to think about the query: What now?
Within the Nineteen Fifties, my grandparents settled in a modest bungalow downslope from fire-prone hills and canyons in Glendale. Residing close by of mountains reminded them of residence in Norway. Is the sense of security that after allowed them to make that cut price with nature — arguably the quintessential quality of life in Los Angeles — now gone? Have we dumped a lot carbon into the ambiance that what was as soon as “simply far sufficient” from nature is “too shut” at this time?
Fortunately, these ashes will not be the stuff of life. And judging by GoFundMe pages and guarantees to rebuild, the beating coronary heart of Altadena stays. Plans are being made to relight the cedars on Christmas Tree Lane as soon as possible, in a present of neighborhood resilience.
However I hope we by no means totally clear away the reminiscence of those ashes. It might serve to remind us, lengthy after the broader collective trauma subsides, that the individuals who misplaced a lot in Altadena — the true stuff of life in that neighborhood — nonetheless want our assist.
