WASHINGTON—Gawking on the widespread destruction attributable to Hurricane Helene throughout a lot of the southeastern United States, the Federal Emergency Administration Company issued a press release Monday saying, “Rattling, that’s loopy.” “A lot water, dude,” stated administrator Deanne Criswell, who uploaded a YouTube compilation of flooding within the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida to the homepage of FEMA.gov as a number of different FEMA officers gathered round her laptop, exclaiming “Oh shit!” and begging her to replay the video. “Homes shouldn’t try this. That home is sort of a boat now. That is like Armageddon shit, man. Wait, have you ever guys seen the film Armageddon?” At press time, experiences confirmed the FEMA staff had moved on to watching clips from Armageddon.
